Once upon a time there was a beautiful poinsettia in a B&Q on the south east coast of the land of Britannia; waiting to be picked up by a loving, caring human being. It was waiting there with dozens of other poinsettias for days and days in a cold warehouse full of paint, power drills, skirting boards, smelly men and ridiculous drawer knobs. And then, one day, a female human being came and bought the poinsettia that was so pretty, so very very pretty with its many red centres and beautiful, strong leaves. One could almost say that it was the perfect poinsettia for floral photography. The female human gently carried it out of the B&Q store and carefully placed it behind her seat in the car so as to not damage it in any way during the transport to the human's new, beautiful home. "Ah, finally I am going to be in a home lovingly cared for, and I'm going to see a Christmas with kind people who will admire me!" the poinsettia thought.
The car stops and the female human gets out of the car, picks ALL the many things that she has bought - various draught excluders, a sandwich, another big plant - AND last, the poinsettia, clutching everything in her arms so that all the things JUST avoid slipping and falling on the concrete pavement. She gets to the door of her house, adjusts her arms to reach the key hole, and S N A P ! breaks the poinsettia's spine. Arrrrgh! So much for a loving, warm home. So much for Christmas. So much for. Life.
Oh dear. "Well", thinks the female human, her heart weeping, "I better take some photos of the poinsettia before it wither and dies..."
She placed the poinsettia next to a window to use natural light for the photos. A springy springer called Mr Zebedee came over to the window to check whether there was something interesting going on.
But no, there was nothing happening out in the garden. It was just the female human taking photos again, this time of a plant. "Really? Is that all you were doing here?"
"Well, if you are taking photos of the plant, take a photo of me next to it."
One last look at the poor poinsettia....
(Tomorrow I'll go and buy a new one... shhhhh!)